Therapy?

Scene: Bukit Jalil stadium car park area, a sweaty, frantic crowd of 2,000 amidst a wide open space, with a well-lit stage in front. The weather was fine.

Time: April 21st, 11:00pm, nearly 2 hours into a full-on rock concert, with the audience twisted and contorted to the performers’ every whim and fancy. Yes, they have us at their fingertips.

Culprit: Joel Madden, lead man of Good Charlotte. He bantered aplenty with the crowd in between songs, and sort of as a short intro. On this one he showed distinct vulnerability.

"Has anyone here ever broken up with someone?"
<Crowd raises hands in unison>
"Has anyone here ever been dumped by someone?"
<Still many hands in the air>
"Has anyone here ever hurt someone?"
<A few hesitant hands remain raised>

And now the punchline…
"Has anyone here ever been hurt by someone?"
<Nearly all hands in the air now>

We await his next move. It was predictable, but we were lured in anyway. He came this far. So did we. Like a scripted chess game where everyone knew the moves and the ending beforehand, yet still play it out. Joel Madden speaks.

"I want everyone to put up their hands and say it."

Everyone obeys his command, ate out of his hands.

"I don’t wanna be in love."
"I DON’T WANNA BE IN LOVE!"
"I don’t wanna be in love."
"I DON’T WANNA BE IN LOVE!"

Louder now.
"Put up your arms and say, I don’t wanna be in love!"
"I DON’T WANNA BE IN LOVE!"
"I don’t wanna be in love!"
"I DON’T WANNA BE IN LOVE!"

"This is too nice a place, too great a time, to give your heart to only a single person!" Joel Madden wanted company, he wanted kindred spirits who were as hurt as he is, he wanted contentment, reasoning, and support… he wanted to feel alright. As famous, and as talented as he is, he brought himself down to our level, so we could see his hurt, clear as day. Pain, the most basic of emotions felt by all regardless of status and creed, brought the cast of thousands together. He’s only human, after all. Even rock stars get the blues.

And so we obliged, and sang with him.

"Dance Floor Anthem"

She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
Then he gave she’s looking for

Everybody put up your hands, say
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now if you’ve got nothing left, say
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now you’ve got a reason to live, say
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now, don’t be afraid to get down, say
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”

If only Hillary Duff were here to see it.

Sometimes I wonder if God wished He had an ‘undo’ button when a horrible misdeed has just happened among His creations. Or better yet, to wipe the slate clean and dirt-free, a ‘reset‘ button. For what a screwed-up world we live in. We don’t even deserve a place on earth sometimes, let alone heaven.

"You don’t expect this to happen at your school. We’re just kids." said Brittany Jones.

BLACKSBURG, Va. - A Virginia Tech senior from South Korea was behind the massacre of at least 30 people locked inside a campus building in the deadliest shooting rampage in modern U.S. history.

The gunman appeared to have used chains to lock doors and prevent victims from escaping. Fifteen people were wounded, including those shot and students hurt jumping from windows in a desperate attempt to flee the gunfire.

Derek O’Dell, his arm in a cast after being shot, described a shooter who fired away in "eerily silence" with "no specific target - just taking out anybody he could."

After the gunman left the room, students could hear him shooting other people down the hall. O’Dell said he and other students barricaded the door so the shooter couldn’t get back in - though he later tried.

"He was just shooting to kill," Dr. Joseph Cacioppo, an emergency room physician who treated the wounded.

Remember the 5 stages of grief? Shock, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. One statement alone swings this whole surreal, already unbelievable incident from shock to full-blown anger.

Advocates of gun ownership rights saw Monday’s massacre as evidence of the need to relax gun laws, not tighten them.

"The latest school shooting at Virginia Tech demands an immediate end to the gun-free zone law," said Larry Pratt, executive director of Gun Owners of America.

So this genius advocates that violence justifies more violence. The great equaliser. The problem-solver. Pack everyone you know with a gun, for everyone is a potential victim. So in his sick mind, in an ideal world, his utopia, everybody has a gun. A bunch of 6-year-olds in a playground, and no bullying exists because as soon as one kid upsets the other he’d have a gun pointed at his face. PERFECT!!!

Spare a prayer, a thought for the victims of this dark, dark day, please. Them and their families. May God be with them. Take a deep breath in and out, and be thankful that we are now safely behind our desks going about our own business. Some of us might even be oblivious this has happened. Imagine you’re the emergency room doctor in Virginia, and minute by minute another victim gets wheeled in. You pounce to your duty like you only know how, and, overloaded with work that should have been totally preventable, you think "what is this world coming to?"

"It’s just, it’s going to be horrible, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better." Gregory Walton, friend of Ryan Clark, one of the deceased.

God be with them.

"I am color… blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside…"

The few things that bring people together can be put into two big groups. Festivals and tragedies. Weddings, new years, reunions offset by disease, diasaters and funerals. Judging by the news we read, the things we see with our own eyes, it’s really hard to become an optimist these days. We often trumpet the "triumph of the human spirit" in the "face of adversity", but do we really need another tragedy just so we can be nicer to each other? To demonstrate "humanity"?

"I am ready
I am ready
I am ready, I am…"

I am frustrated about a number of things going on right now. Too often we take our friends for granted and take minor misunderstandings to heart. Too often we expect too much from our friends, only to be disappointed and hurt later, and you die a silent death all by yourself. A small spark ignited to a bonfire, and all that has happened before, good times aplenty, are thrown asunder by one incident. We don’t look at the big picture. We think too highly of ourselves and think others should do as we do. For we know what’s best.

Or do we really?

"Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside…"

This song reflects a state of mind. When the world comes crashing down upon you, and you need to find a quiet place, your sanctuary, to gather your thoughts and make whatever contingency plans you can… for the sake of your sanity and wellbeing. You get numbed by all the wrong you see in front of your eyes, but in spite of that you realise you can’t be cooped up inside your hiding place forever. You try to come out. But you need a bit of convincing… that coming out of your sanctuary is worth your while.

"I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am… fine."

One of my oldest, closest friends is in a time of need. I wish I could say better things, be more understanding, offer more help, and listen more intently. But as it is, "I’m sorry" are the only words I could muster, because all the world could not understand how you feel right now. I can only wish that… as this chapter of your life closes, you learn to accept what life has dealt you. Acknowledge the pain, but don’t let it overpower you. Let love heal all wounds. As ordinary as all these words sound, they worked for me when I needed them most.

"I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside…"

I am, once again, guilty for the crime of only contacting my old friends whenever a festival or a tragedy occur. For today, unfortunately, it had to be a tragedy. I wished we could have talked in happier times, but we were all caught up in our own whirlwinds. Never mind… better talk than never.

"I am folded
And unfolded
And unfolding, I am…"

I plead with you, my friends, today to seek out an old friend, and find out how he/she is. Talk about the old times, but don’t just leave it there. Or better yet, patch things up with someone who you’ve had a misunderstanding with. Don’t do it out of routine, do it because they really matter to you. Life is too short, too amazing to dwell in petty wrongdoings. Forgiveness is a powerful spell we use too little. We fail to acknowledge that, and we fail ultimately as a breathing, feeling human being.

"Colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am… fine."

This post is dedicated to Mrs Goh, a wonderful mother, wife, teacher and friend. I only wish I could’ve known her better, but her influence resonates far and wide. A wise and nurturing soul who had so much love to give to everyone around her. I will always remember our cheerful banter, and more importantly, one thing I have not shared with anyone. Way back when, we were on the phone the day after my parents went, and very few of my words made sense as I was too lost in my own grief. She gave me a few words to live by… and in her words I found so much healing, so much hope, that I could never fully express my gratitude.

Thank you for everything, auntie.

"If God would send his angels would everything be alright?"
~U2