Therapy?

My life is a veritable soundtrack, where I am chief sound editor, song selector and ultimately select the final 20 best songs to be released on CD for the most profits. Sometimes I wish I could be more mainstream, so more people could relate to what I’m saying; yet sometimes I wish I could be more indie, ala the OC soundtracks… more arty, but you tend to sound overinflated while you gloat over your superior musical choices… but your audience do not know what you are talking about.

Ultimately, why not a blend? I take it from my dear friend Yean Koon, who says that she has enough music in her head NOT to get an mp3 player. She always has a song for every occasion. A rock lover who occasionally strays onto the unknown, which might turn out to be rewarding in the end. She can rattle on about Fall Out Boy and Hoobastank with the best of radio listeners, but when I ask her what she really listens to… ah, an eclectic list of relatively unknown musicians pop up. Mark Ronson and Christopher O’Reily anyone?

Ok, my point. There is a song for every moment. If you one day you become the director of your own autobiographical movie, surely you want every song for every pivotal moment to be the right one? They do it on TV/movies all the time. Can you actually watch Back To The Future without the theme? Star Wars? Remember the moment in Grey’s Anatomy which practically made Snow Patrol famous in the US? Songs have an otherworldly ability to make or break a moment.

But sometimes God can play funny tricks on you. Sometimes I don’t have a song in my head and God sends me one through the radio. No joke. It is so oppurtune it is scary. Like the time in my obs and gynae posting when I finally completed my quota of deliveries. Exhausted by yet another midnight shift oncall, but fantastically happy because I can finally rest easy, after popping out a baby boy from his mother’s womb, I turn on the radio… and this song hit me.

"I feel so alive, for the very first time
And I think I can fly…"

"Alive" by POD. How long have their music not been played on the radio? And I get it the moment I expected it the least, like a wallop to the head. So who’s alive? Myself or the newborns? Either way it was an appropriate song. And the time I completed my final medical examinations… pop into the car, and this song plays.

"Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you"

"Never again" by Kelly Clarkson, as an ode to my final exams for a long time. God truly has a sense of humour.

But with all that has come and gone the last few weeks… results day, graduation, convocation dinner, goodbyes… how can a handful of songs represent the plethora of emotions and thought running through one’s head? It is near impossible… and my head is empty for once.

I will write about graduation and convocation dinners… there are lots of really nice photographs to share. But only when I’m ready. For now… everyone’s still in the euphoric-catatonic-separation-anxiety-don’t send me to Kelantan phase. Let it rest. In the meantime, the radio makes pretty good company. Inbetween all the nonsense rubbish by Akon and his imitators (why does he even deserve imitators!!!) who picked up his "singing like a duck" ability, there are a few gems in between.

"Hey there Delilah" is pretty pleasant. You can substitute Delilah for any 3-syllable name and dedicate it to anyone. I can think of only Emily… or Genevieve, which sounds better when sung. Or any standard 3-syllable Cina name lah.

"Time After Time" is a song I cannot get out of my head at the moment. A rock-radio update which I think sounds better, if heavier than the original. Now it’s finally alright to sing a previously girly song because these guys did it! Hitting high notes have never been more fun.

"Stronger" by Kanye West, NOT Britney Spears reminds us why its alright to listen to techno again. Along with a slew of songs I wish I clubbed to but never found the opportunity… "The Way I Are", "Give It To Me", "Umbrella", "Shut Up And Drive"… damn. But that one night in Aloha after convo dinner was fun, courtesy of Sarjit and co. The unbelievable coolness of "Sexyback" followed immediately by the what-the-hellness of "The Final Countdown"… I know, Nithia, I know.

"4 in the Morning" by Gwenny Stefanny reminds me of the endless nights of study in Batu Pahat, and a firm reminder that a simple melody can latch on to your subconscious like mad. Like mad I tell you. The first time I listened to this song I could not get it out of my head. And so I pressed the repeat button again and again. Jill shares my sentiments on this, and this has gone on to become "our song". Haha.

"Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" by Fall Out Boy had a video made with monkeys! Which guaranteed instant success. That aside this song is crazy addictive especially the clap-your-hands part. You wonder why this song isn’t used for goodbyes and happy occasions until you listen to the words… "thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great"… oops.

I wonder why no one played "Graduation" by Vitamin C during our convocation… it would have been superb, appropriate and totally emo. I know I used that "e" word in the wrong context… I don’t care.

To remember the previous life that was in Semester 10, Batu Pahat… the radio was all I need. And strange as it is for me to say it, I miss that place already.