Therapy?

I was at a near loss for topics… until the radio came in and I listened to every word of the song they played. Sometimes I hate this song for being so right. The melody pulls you in at first, the trademark Ne-Yo sound. The It boy singing with the It girl Rihanna. I am transported to 2004 again. And so begins the verbal tour-de-force.

[Rihanna]
As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I can’t stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile?

[Ne-Yo]
Cos you won’t let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can’t remember what you did

Brings back a time, happier sadder times. Certain, confusing times. Pining, repelling times. Never one without the other. They came together hand in hand, the inseparable opposites. Two words to describe me and her, as well.

[Rihanna]
But I hate it
You know exactly what to do
So that I can’t stay mad at you
For too long that’s wrong

[Ne-Yo]
But I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don’t want to fuss and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

She knew all the ways to drive me crazy, in both the good and bad ways. I was attracted to all the rights and wrongs that make up the person that was her.

[Rihanna]
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so

And you know what? I think the feeling’s mutual too. Moving on from each other was one of the toughest things we went through.

[Ne-Yo]
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

[Rihanna]
Sad and it’s not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain’t right

Short and intense it had been. There were times that she pushed the self-destruct button, and there were times I wanted to fling myself out the window.

[Ne-Yo]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can’t let you go
But I hate that I love you so

But in between, nothing but sweetness. Bittersweetness, in retrospect.

[Both]
One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me
And your kiss won’t make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you’ll probably always have a spell on me

One of my close friends actually said something like this. That’d she’d always have a spell on me. Ouch, you know. Sure it’s been a few years already, and sometimes you look back and wonder at what exact moment everything fell apart. And you know what? I can’t recall.

[Rihanna]
And I hate that I love you s
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so

Ever been in a relationship you could not wait to get out of, but once you did, you feel nothing but hollow? Hurts like hell.

[Both]
And I hate that I love you so

I hate to admit this, but somehow they managed to condense a few years’ worth of shelved memories into a 4 minute song, and made me think all over again has anything been worth it at all. It’s genius. Pure, sadistic genius.

I’d love to say the feeling’s gone, but nevertheless, I’d love to talk to her again.

I picked up the phone and dialed her number.

It’s a busy tone.

That damned song.